Ngawa O Mosha

2014 was a humongous stomach-jerking roller coaster of a year. Perhaps a recap post is just as annoying as the lazy flashback episodes of TV series that don’t progress the plot at all but I’m doing it anyways.

January

2014 started off pretty lackluster with the monotony of continuing a boring desk job scanning medical charts for a primary care office. The monotony only lifted during occasional office potlucks and the “parade” of EMT’s who’d stop by about once a week to ambulate an elderly patient. But January ended pretty well with my first trip out to Fiji to visit Max where he served in Peace Corps. The lush tropical greenery and turquoise waters made the mind-numbing hours put into that scanning job worth it. No joke, the first thing I thought upon exiting the airport in Botswana was how it couldn’t be more opposite of the lush green oasis of an island that is Fiji.

February

February was back to the states and more tedious work. Spring arrives early in AZ, practically on the heels of Santa’s sleigh so many hiking trips and outdoor fun was had.

March

March wasn’t so great. We first heard the diagnosis of my dad’s colon cancer the week of his 52^nd birthday. Blindsided, it hit our family hard and of course my dad the hardest after just recovering from a dramatic leg injury following a bike crash two years previously. Just when he had regained movement again and the ability to reclaim his hobbies of hiking, camping, and yardwork, life was pushing him back down. He began his long road to recovery with surgery to remove a large part of his colon and lots and lots of jello. Despite the blow of this life-altering diagnosis, my dad has battled for his life head on and continues to be an inspiring source of positive energy and an emotional rock for our entire family. Without a doubt, this cancer diagnosis has not debilitated my dad as I know him. It has limited his body, sure, but not his sense of being or who he is. Since diagnosis, I have seen my dad smile more, laugh more genuinely and relish in the things he likes to do like hiking and camping. Cancer is not going to prevent him from living life and for that he is my greatest inspiration. As horrible and frightening as this cancer is, I think it has brought us closer as a family and served to wake us up from days of merely lazing about in our own little worlds to truly valuing and pursuing time spent together.

April

April continued the bad news train. As I was preparing to leave for Peace Corps service in Mozambique in May; studying Portuguese, packing, and planning my going away party, I was told that I couldn’t receive final medical clearance because of my history of kidney stones. I was devastated. After applying over a year ago and being stuck in the purgatory that is Peace Corp’s application process, I wasn’t sure I could go through it again, especially now that my dad has cancer. I argued. I used everything I could to try and convince the Peace Corps medical staff that I was medically fit; completely healthy, and completely prepared to depart in less than 50 days. But they wouldn’t budge. They rescinded my invitation and put me back in the system. I was lucky to work with my recruiter again who promised me he would “find me a home” as I broke into tears on the phone. I was offered a second invitation to serve in Botswana departing in August. Still bitter about Moz and not thrilled about having to wait an additional 3 months I eventually accepted the invitation knowing that it was really my last chance.

            April then continued as planned with my second visit out to Fiji. The idea was to visit every 6 months if we could afford it, but because I thought I was departing in May I had booked the trip sooner. The trip was a blast and a needed break from all the stressors of home and Peace Corps. We booked a week at Octopus Resort on a small island off of Vanua Levu. It was heavenly, I still dream of it to this day. Days of lazing on the beach, snorkeling, and reading, and evenings of dinner with tourists from all over world along with the unexpected fun of hermit crab races, trivia night, and falling asleep to the sound of the waves made for the ideal vacation.

My Parents on their anniversary, April Fools Day

being goofs

an even bigger goof

May and June

May continued the Fiji vacay and ended with the return of Max to America. Coming home earlier than planned he decided that Peace Corps just wasn’t for him and instead decided to pursue grad school. June was an uneventful month full of work and fun with friends and family.

July

July, my last month in America, was mostly consumed with a whirlwind road trip with Max through 5 states and two national parks. We drove for what felt like forever, catching far to many bugs on our windshield to visit Glacier National Park in northern Montana. Having lived in the Grand Canyon state for my whole life, I can’t think of a prettier site than huge pine trees, alpine lakes, and snow-capped mountains.  Every picture I took felt like a postcard. The trip continued with a few nights in Yellowstone hanging out with the bison and elk before heading home to spend my final week with family and friends.

August

In August, I finally departed for Botswana to become a Peace Corps Trainee. Taking one last tear-filled look at my family and giving multiple squeezing hugs to Max I left Arizona behind on my way to Philly where I met up with the 70-something strangers that would later become some of my closest friends and allies here in Bots. We traveled on turbulent flights, waited for hours in airports, and were hijacked of sleep by PC staff hoping to wave off our jetlack; no doubt we had formed bonds already. After a couple days of staging, introductions, and countless ice-breakers our group was quickly separated and distributed to various host families throughout the village of Serowe. Our training commenced.

September

Pre-service training continued throughout the month of September with hours of Setswana lessons, safety and security training, and countless other powerpoints and presentations that blend together in my head. Despite being a larger group, it is amazing how quickly friends turn to family when you are thrown into a new country, bored to death by repetitive information, and share all the culture shock and nuances together.  We struggled through, dispersed to various locals of Bots to shadow current volunteers, and returned to find out where our new homes were to be for the next two years. Realizing our foreboding separation we all valued the last few weeks together and yet were itching to depart on the adventure we all signed up for.

October

In the middle of October we were finally sworn in as Bots 15, the 15^th group of volunteers in Botswana since they returned in the early 2000’s. As soon as we had arrived in Serowe and experienced the ups and downs of homestay life, we were heading out to establish the foundation of our new homes and service.  I was placed in Kang, a medium village in the Kgalagadi Desert. Sandy and hot, I settled into my new life here.

November

November continued the struggle of getting to know new names and faces. I woke up everyday, trudged through the sand to my clinic where I would sit, observe, and ask a lot of questions. As new volunteers we aren’t allowed to start projects till after our training in January so my time was filled with a lot of stationary immobilization and trying to escape the heat. I began investigating answers and info for my community assessment which is a comprehensive report about every aspect of the village which serves to build support and awareness for future projects. November ended with fantastic weekend of food and wine as I celebrated Thanksgiving with other desert volunteers.

December

December was much the same as November, not much happening but there was the fantastical addition of the rainy season. Nearly every other day, the dark clouds would roll in on calls of thunder and fill my little desert with water. It was like magic! Where there was before just sticks and sand, there was now greenery and leaves and weeds (though I’ve now found out the treachery of these weeds, the thorns that appear after the rains leave…). I celebrated a low-key Christmas with my neighbors and received the best Christmas present as Max flew in the next day.

The fantastic health fair put on in my village for the whole region

The area of my yard I've cleared out for a garden

Christmas Day with this cutie

Sukiri

So there it is. 2014 in words and pictures upon pictures (a chore for any internet connection to load). No matter what 2015 brings I’m sure it will continue to be a testament to perseverance, joy, love, and homesickness, new adventures and mundane days, it will be a year exploration inside and out.

Its a Hermit Life for Me

As I continue to wait for IST (in-service training) and the promise of two weeks of American interactions, site stories, and hot showers I’ve found myself becoming more and more of a recluse.

Though I feel welcomed and fairly integrated into my little village it’s tough work to continually deal with encounters with strangers, deciphering Setswana, and just generally feeling different. Plus I’ve had some bad interactions with people taking advantage of me stealing money and, of all things, underwear from my home when I’ve let them into my house that when I’m not hanging out at the clinic I like to retreat to my humble homestead and close my self off from Botswana. Being a fairly introverted person, I relish alone time and hardly ever feel bored with all the free-time I have. Whether its washing laundry by hand, cooking from scratch, or simply sweeping the incessant amount of sand out of my house, there are always chores that can be done and I’ve always been one who loves to sit down pouring over a new book for hours. My neighbors can’t understand and consistently ruin the small haven I’ve created by “koko-ing” (knocking) on my door to check me. They just can’t relate and exclaim that I must be bored spending all day in this house alone. For most Batswana, privacy is not very accustomed. Most families live on compounds in small houses and will sit and chat outside while doing laundry or cooking or spend time together around the TV. Its rare for a person to spend time alone in their room and has even been expressed that to do so would worry the family that their child is considering suicide!

Just "hanging" out on my hammock

I’m beginning to feel guilty for becoming a bit of a hermit. I cringe when I hear the creak of my gate signaling the arrival of a neighbor. I travel very little distance throughout my village because my house is conveniently located a mere three minutes from the clinic and shops. Besides interacting with my coworkers, and the necessary greetings with my neighbors I’ve been mingling among my village less and less.  

As a Peace Corps Volunteer, I’m falling a bit short. It is one of Peace Corps core expectations to “Recognize that your successful and sustainable development work is based on the local trust and confidence you build by living in, and respectfully integrating yourself into, your host community.” Ultimately not becoming a loner and a hermit. I recognize that I am still adjusting, but lately interactions with locals are exhausting. It is so much easier to entertain myself and gain my daily level of social interaction through texting and calling people back home where things make sense and I don’t feel out of place.  But I also know that by escaping to my home at every possible extension of free time, I’m robbing myself of the ability to actually integrate and to socialize with my community. I have made friends in the village and they often ask if I can cook American food for them someday, or invite them over to hang out both of which would be fantastic opportunities to get to know those in my community and share American culture, but I have been wary of doing it because I value my safe haven too much. My reclusive nature has only gotten worse as I look forward to IST. I’m hoping that the short reunion with my fellow Bots 15’s will leave me more inspired to break out of the bubble I’ve created. I’ve been in a bit of a slump the last week and need this reunion to recharge and start fresh. I’ve been lacking the motivation to do what I really came here to do, which is explore, learn, and help. My home has become simultaneously an oasis and a prison; its time to break out.

Cycle of Vulnerability

Whelp, I just hugged and said goodbye to my other half for the next 5-6 months and I’ve never felt more like a puddle of tears.

I was lucky enough to have Max visit me during lockdown. We weren’t able to travel or do anything exciting but we huddled down in my little village of Kang and soaked in each others’ presence for two very short weeks. Having him here was like a breath of fresh normalness. I’d nearly forgotten how natural and happy I feel with the man I love and how un-frustrating it is to be in the same room in the same house in the same country on the same continent without struggling with poor skype connections and outrageous international calling rates. After three years of never truly living in the same city and playing travel tag with Peace Corps (first him in Fiji, now me in Botswana) you’d think we’d be long-distance pros but that nail-to-the-heart being drowned in ice water feeling of saying our temporary goodbyes never disappears.

Having him here reminds me of all I left behind to follow this Peace Corps dream. I left behind a boyfriend who loves me more than I ever thought possible, my father in the fight of his life against cancer, other family and friends who are going through big and exciting changes that I can’t be a part of, along with the stability to build a future. Before coming here my heart, soul, and mind were itching for adventure. I wanted to become lost in a new culture and language; to explore not only a distant land but to discover how far I could push and challenge myself. I wanted to develop professional skills in an untypical environment. I wanted to expand my world view by living and working in a community rather than just traveling through for the big-ticket sites and world wonders.

I try to put a positive spin on most things and understand that I’ve only been in Botswana for 5 months, not much has happened yet. I’m thankful for being here and for all the wonderful people I have met along the way, but everyone and everything back home is starting to weigh heavier on my mind than my desire to wait it out and see if things start rolling here in Bots.  A lot of these feelings have to do with the lows of being away from home during the holidays, just saying goodbye to my boyfriend, and a little graph Peace Corps likes to call the “Cycle of Vulnerability and Adjustment.” So as I’m writing this post and eating the left-over Christmas cookies I had sent from home and stored in the freezer I’ll admit that I’m really starting to feel the “hard” part in the “hardest job you’ll ever love.”

So now that I’ve made you, my reader, family member, friend, whoever you are feel a little down and also gave you a craving for cookies, I’ll let you know that I’m not giving up yet. It may just be my stubbornness or my unrealistic desire for Peace Corps to some how pop me out of Botswana as a well-traveled, sunburned, ululating, confident, has-it-all-together individual but I’m not ready to throw that towel in. I recognize that my Peace Corps service may not be two years. Of course, everyone who becomes a Peace Corps volunteer intends to complete the full two years of service but I acknowledge that there are too many alterior factors, ie life, that may cut that service short.

For now I am going to focus on the little accomplishments until the big can fall into place. I can bumble through Setswana enough that locals continue to speak it to me long after my point of understanding, I’ve made friends in my community, and I’ve learned to enjoy bucket baths. There is never any “good” in goodbye but I’m thankful to have a guy who is by my side, even 8,000 miles away, while I figure this all out. Here’s to 2015, whatever it may bring.

Rains Down in Africa

As I’m writing this I’m sitting in my house with all the windows open letting the cool breeze from the cloudy day and the praise music from the church behind my house waft in. Its summer but its also the rainy season here which can be pretty fickle. The clouds roll in every afternoon with the promise of a storm banging on my tin roof each night. The mornings are cool but as the sun appears the village heats up to oven like temperatures becoming more and more humid as the rain threatens to destroy all the laundry hanging on the line. I’m amazed by how much it has rained in my little village set in the Kalahari desert of Botswana. We’ve had more rain here in the last month than I see in Arizona in a year! Everything has become green!!!! There is still plenty of sand but grass and weeds have sprouted up everywhere!

This pic was taken back in mid-October when I first arrived 

This pic is today, mid-December, so many weeds and grass has sprouted up and with it come more thorns and bugs.

So what have I been up to for the last few months now that I’m in Kang? The truth is, not much. I’ve been both busy and idle at the same time. This community assessment is an odd thing. Because I’m not allowed to start projects I’ve had to become comfortable with just following people around and tagging along whenever I can. I’ve had to be social, which, as an introverted person is a huge challenge for me especially when most of the villagers don’t speak English and some don’t even speak Setswana. I’ve felt completely useless many times especially when my limited Setswana excludes me from knowing whats going on. But during this time I’ve also noticed so much opportunity for projects and growth and identified some incredible people who care about this community and want to be involved with community projects. My future activities are shaping up but its still some time till I’ll be starting things. After PST it’s a lot of “hurry up and wait” type feelings. We are bombarded with information of all the things we can do but once we’re unleashed at our sites we’re told to hold off.

This quote does a good job of describing just how important this phase of listening, observing, and absorbing is:

“From the beginning, what has been unique about the Peace Corps is not what it offers host countries, that is, technical expertise, but the way that expertise is delivered- in the form of volunteers who speak the local language, understand the local culture, and live in local towns and neighborhoods. The manner of service is as important as the service itself and adjustment for volunteers is not merely a means to an end, but a virtual end all its own. The cross-cultural adjustment of volunteers is not just what enables them to make a contribution; it is itself a significant part of that contribution”

What, what?

Botswana used to be a British protectorate and along with a strong love of tea, scones, and driving on the wrong side of the road the mix of British English, Setswana, and other African tongues and slang has led to some pretty colorful speech patterns. Here’s just a small guide to some of the many Botswana colloquialisms…

What-what: used as a continuation of something, like the word “etcetera.” Its assumed that you always know what the what what is…We don’t know if she’s bleeding or what what.

Nice: the colloquial term for absolutely anything… Your dress is nice, the food is nice, the workshop was nice, she looked very nice, and what what. No matter what adjective you need “nice” can replace it.

Whereby: a term not commonly used in American English, its similar to “so that” and “thus” but can really be used in place of many conjunctions…Batswana tend to cattle whereby they can feed all the walk-in guests at their wedding some nice seswa (pounded meat) and what what.

Eish!: a phrase of surprise, disgust, disappointment, or amazement…Eish! That nice baby was so scared after having to hang in a sling to be weighed whereby he just peed on the floor and what what.

Bathing: (bath-ing) not to be confused with the word bathe-ing, Batswana are serious about their bathing often doing it 2-3 times a day…Eish! That nice American girl only baths once a day whereby she must smell and what what.

Knock-off: used to say you are leaving work…Eish! Its half past three already! Do you mind if I knock off early whereby I can get home to bath before going out to that nice bar and what what tonight?

Check you: a phrase that can completely change contexts depending on who’s talking to you. Female to female- it means can I come hang out, see your house, talk for a bit; male to female- means can I come over to hook up with you at your house even if I’ve never met you before. Most of the time is the latter creepier one… Eish! When can I check you, baby? You look so nice right now and I’d really like to knock off work right now to check you whereby we can then get married and you can take me to America. You can’t use the excuse that you’re bathing and what what forever.

Now vs. Now Now: now often relates to doing something soon, no rush; now now means right now at this very instant…Oh, you wanted to check me now now? Eish! I haven’t knocked off yet. Let me go home to take a nice bath and what what whereby I’ll check you later.

Sorry: used as an apology for clumsiness basically, sometimes as a sign of sympathy. If a Motswana drops his phone he will tell me sorry, if I drop my own phone he will also say sorry, its also used when babies are crying, or as a sort of “excuse me”…(Motswana talking to me as I spill bucket of water) Sorry sorry, eish! Were you getting ready to bath? I thought I could check you now now whereby I saw that you just knocked off. That talk you gave this morning about STI’s was so nice.

I have flu: Batswana use the term “flu” for anything from a headache to pneumonia and TB, but mostly it means they have a cough and are congested…Eish! I’m knocking off now now; I have flu and what what. (drops phone) Sorry! I am going home to bath whereby I will check you tomorrow if I feel better. Eish! This flu is not nice!

I’m coming:  this one took me a while to understand, sometimes it means they are, indeed, on their way, but other times it means they are leaving and may or may not return; I sat and waited in countless rooms for nurses to return after saying “I’m coming” generally, a nurse will be busy with paperwork or something suddenly announce I’m coming to no one in particular and leave the room...(sitting in an office with a nurse) Eish! Too many people with flu today whereby they are all lining up now now.  I need to knock off to check my sister later before she baths and cooks dinner. Sorry,  I’m coming. Eish! This morning was so nice and what what. (leaves the room and doesn’t return).

Fall Pregnant: women don’t get pregnant or knocked up here, no, they fall pregnant as if they tripped and whoopsy daisy theres suddenly a bun in the oven…My aunt has fallen pregnant. Eish! Three nice kids already and the whole family with flu and what what. I should head to the store before dark whereby the employees knock off. I’ll go now now and check her after then go home and bath. Sorry mma, I’m coming. (leaves and never returns).

That Side:  a universal term for any direction or distance. Oh, your going to another room in the clinic, your going to that side, you live across the rode, you live on  that side, anyone asks you for directions you can simply point in a direction and say go that side and they will be satisfied…The nice woman that side in Motokwe, yes the one that came in for flu last week and what what, she has fallen pregnant. To be pregnant now now after having flu, eish! (pen falls) sorry mma. I’m going to knock off late tonight whereby you can check me in the morning. I’ll be so exhausted tonight I won’t even be able to bath. I’m coming (leaves room and never returns).

Small House/Big House: slang for your main girlfriend/boyfriend and your boyfriend/girlfriend on the side…Man, did you hear, my small house fell pregnant, eish!!! She’s been complaining of flu and what what then this! I should have never checked her last month; I should have stayed this side with my big house, you know! (drops phone) sorry sorry! Her body was so nice you know? A proper Motswana, how could I resist. Now now I can’t be a father whereby what would I tell my big house? Have you knocked off yet? Don’t worry about bathing you’ll just sweat more when we go out tonight anyways. Yes, I’m coming (hangs up phone and walks off to nowhere in particular).

Sharp: Some-times pronounced sharp-o. Used like ok, everything is fine, finished, etc. Eish! These sentences were not nice to write whereby I could have fallen pregnant in the time it took me to finish this post. Luckily I’m knocked off work and have gotten pretty savy at bucket bathing and what what though I still only do it once a day. My neighbors that side have checked me twice already, one of them has flu and politely mentioned it after hugging me, and now now it is finally time to put on some “friends” and relax. In tonight’s episode Ross coincidentally cheated on Rachel, his big house, with a small house and ruined their relationship for a few seasons. Sorry sorry Rachel. Ke sharp (I’m doing good) and sleep, I’m coming.