What, what?

Botswana used to be a British protectorate and along with a strong love of tea, scones, and driving on the wrong side of the road the mix of British English, Setswana, and other African tongues and slang has led to some pretty colorful speech patterns. Here’s just a small guide to some of the many Botswana colloquialisms…

What-what: used as a continuation of something, like the word “etcetera.” Its assumed that you always know what the what what is…We don’t know if she’s bleeding or what what.

Nice: the colloquial term for absolutely anything… Your dress is nice, the food is nice, the workshop was nice, she looked very nice, and what what. No matter what adjective you need “nice” can replace it.

Whereby: a term not commonly used in American English, its similar to “so that” and “thus” but can really be used in place of many conjunctions…Batswana tend to cattle whereby they can feed all the walk-in guests at their wedding some nice seswa (pounded meat) and what what.

Eish!: a phrase of surprise, disgust, disappointment, or amazement…Eish! That nice baby was so scared after having to hang in a sling to be weighed whereby he just peed on the floor and what what.

Bathing: (bath-ing) not to be confused with the word bathe-ing, Batswana are serious about their bathing often doing it 2-3 times a day…Eish! That nice American girl only baths once a day whereby she must smell and what what.

Knock-off: used to say you are leaving work…Eish! Its half past three already! Do you mind if I knock off early whereby I can get home to bath before going out to that nice bar and what what tonight?

Check you: a phrase that can completely change contexts depending on who’s talking to you. Female to female- it means can I come hang out, see your house, talk for a bit; male to female- means can I come over to hook up with you at your house even if I’ve never met you before. Most of the time is the latter creepier one… Eish! When can I check you, baby? You look so nice right now and I’d really like to knock off work right now to check you whereby we can then get married and you can take me to America. You can’t use the excuse that you’re bathing and what what forever.

Now vs. Now Now: now often relates to doing something soon, no rush; now now means right now at this very instant…Oh, you wanted to check me now now? Eish! I haven’t knocked off yet. Let me go home to take a nice bath and what what whereby I’ll check you later.

Sorry: used as an apology for clumsiness basically, sometimes as a sign of sympathy. If a Motswana drops his phone he will tell me sorry, if I drop my own phone he will also say sorry, its also used when babies are crying, or as a sort of “excuse me”…(Motswana talking to me as I spill bucket of water) Sorry sorry, eish! Were you getting ready to bath? I thought I could check you now now whereby I saw that you just knocked off. That talk you gave this morning about STI’s was so nice.

I have flu: Batswana use the term “flu” for anything from a headache to pneumonia and TB, but mostly it means they have a cough and are congested…Eish! I’m knocking off now now; I have flu and what what. (drops phone) Sorry! I am going home to bath whereby I will check you tomorrow if I feel better. Eish! This flu is not nice!

I’m coming:  this one took me a while to understand, sometimes it means they are, indeed, on their way, but other times it means they are leaving and may or may not return; I sat and waited in countless rooms for nurses to return after saying “I’m coming” generally, a nurse will be busy with paperwork or something suddenly announce I’m coming to no one in particular and leave the room...(sitting in an office with a nurse) Eish! Too many people with flu today whereby they are all lining up now now.  I need to knock off to check my sister later before she baths and cooks dinner. Sorry,  I’m coming. Eish! This morning was so nice and what what. (leaves the room and doesn’t return).

Fall Pregnant: women don’t get pregnant or knocked up here, no, they fall pregnant as if they tripped and whoopsy daisy theres suddenly a bun in the oven…My aunt has fallen pregnant. Eish! Three nice kids already and the whole family with flu and what what. I should head to the store before dark whereby the employees knock off. I’ll go now now and check her after then go home and bath. Sorry mma, I’m coming. (leaves and never returns).

That Side:  a universal term for any direction or distance. Oh, your going to another room in the clinic, your going to that side, you live across the rode, you live on  that side, anyone asks you for directions you can simply point in a direction and say go that side and they will be satisfied…The nice woman that side in Motokwe, yes the one that came in for flu last week and what what, she has fallen pregnant. To be pregnant now now after having flu, eish! (pen falls) sorry mma. I’m going to knock off late tonight whereby you can check me in the morning. I’ll be so exhausted tonight I won’t even be able to bath. I’m coming (leaves room and never returns).

Small House/Big House: slang for your main girlfriend/boyfriend and your boyfriend/girlfriend on the side…Man, did you hear, my small house fell pregnant, eish!!! She’s been complaining of flu and what what then this! I should have never checked her last month; I should have stayed this side with my big house, you know! (drops phone) sorry sorry! Her body was so nice you know? A proper Motswana, how could I resist. Now now I can’t be a father whereby what would I tell my big house? Have you knocked off yet? Don’t worry about bathing you’ll just sweat more when we go out tonight anyways. Yes, I’m coming (hangs up phone and walks off to nowhere in particular).

Sharp: Some-times pronounced sharp-o. Used like ok, everything is fine, finished, etc. Eish! These sentences were not nice to write whereby I could have fallen pregnant in the time it took me to finish this post. Luckily I’m knocked off work and have gotten pretty savy at bucket bathing and what what though I still only do it once a day. My neighbors that side have checked me twice already, one of them has flu and politely mentioned it after hugging me, and now now it is finally time to put on some “friends” and relax. In tonight’s episode Ross coincidentally cheated on Rachel, his big house, with a small house and ruined their relationship for a few seasons. Sorry sorry Rachel. Ke sharp (I’m doing good) and sleep, I’m coming.