Its a Hermit Life for Me

As I continue to wait for IST (in-service training) and the promise of two weeks of American interactions, site stories, and hot showers I’ve found myself becoming more and more of a recluse.

Though I feel welcomed and fairly integrated into my little village it’s tough work to continually deal with encounters with strangers, deciphering Setswana, and just generally feeling different. Plus I’ve had some bad interactions with people taking advantage of me stealing money and, of all things, underwear from my home when I’ve let them into my house that when I’m not hanging out at the clinic I like to retreat to my humble homestead and close my self off from Botswana. Being a fairly introverted person, I relish alone time and hardly ever feel bored with all the free-time I have. Whether its washing laundry by hand, cooking from scratch, or simply sweeping the incessant amount of sand out of my house, there are always chores that can be done and I’ve always been one who loves to sit down pouring over a new book for hours. My neighbors can’t understand and consistently ruin the small haven I’ve created by “koko-ing” (knocking) on my door to check me. They just can’t relate and exclaim that I must be bored spending all day in this house alone. For most Batswana, privacy is not very accustomed. Most families live on compounds in small houses and will sit and chat outside while doing laundry or cooking or spend time together around the TV. Its rare for a person to spend time alone in their room and has even been expressed that to do so would worry the family that their child is considering suicide!

Just "hanging" out on my hammock

I’m beginning to feel guilty for becoming a bit of a hermit. I cringe when I hear the creak of my gate signaling the arrival of a neighbor. I travel very little distance throughout my village because my house is conveniently located a mere three minutes from the clinic and shops. Besides interacting with my coworkers, and the necessary greetings with my neighbors I’ve been mingling among my village less and less.  

As a Peace Corps Volunteer, I’m falling a bit short. It is one of Peace Corps core expectations to “Recognize that your successful and sustainable development work is based on the local trust and confidence you build by living in, and respectfully integrating yourself into, your host community.” Ultimately not becoming a loner and a hermit. I recognize that I am still adjusting, but lately interactions with locals are exhausting. It is so much easier to entertain myself and gain my daily level of social interaction through texting and calling people back home where things make sense and I don’t feel out of place.  But I also know that by escaping to my home at every possible extension of free time, I’m robbing myself of the ability to actually integrate and to socialize with my community. I have made friends in the village and they often ask if I can cook American food for them someday, or invite them over to hang out both of which would be fantastic opportunities to get to know those in my community and share American culture, but I have been wary of doing it because I value my safe haven too much. My reclusive nature has only gotten worse as I look forward to IST. I’m hoping that the short reunion with my fellow Bots 15’s will leave me more inspired to break out of the bubble I’ve created. I’ve been in a bit of a slump the last week and need this reunion to recharge and start fresh. I’ve been lacking the motivation to do what I really came here to do, which is explore, learn, and help. My home has become simultaneously an oasis and a prison; its time to break out.